What is PET (Parent Effectiveness Training)?
Parent Effectiveness Training, developed by American psychologist Dr. Thomas Gordon in 1962, is based on principles of non-violent communication, active listening, expressing feelings without blame, and conflict resolution with no losers.
The main purpose of the PET method is to provide parents (but also teachers, managers, and others) with tools for building relationships based on mutual respect, open communication, and understanding. This method is not intended for punishment or control of the child, but for strengthening emotional bonds through dialogue and empathy - writes Sombor.info.
Main elements of the PET method:
- Active listening
- “I-messages” instead of accusations and “you-messages”
- No-loser conflict resolution (win-win method)
- Recognizing and accepting emotions in oneself and others
What is the F.A.I.R. technique?
The F.A.I.R. technique is an acronym for the English words Feelings, Assertions, Impact, Requests. This technique was developed within cognitive-behavioral therapy approaches and is primarily used to strengthen assertive communication and emotional regulation, especially in individuals with difficulties in interpersonal relationships or low self-esteem.
F.A.I.R. is used as a structure for expressing one’s needs and emotions in a non-aggressive yet clear and effective manner. It is often used in the treatment of borderline personality disorder (especially in DBT – dialectical behavior therapy), but also in everyday psychotherapy practice for anxiety, depression, and interpersonal problems.
Elements of the F.A.I.R. technique:
- F – Feelings: Identifying and expressing emotions ("I feel...")
- A – Assertions: Clearly stating an opinion or boundary ("I believe that...")
- I – Impact: Explaining how a behavior affects the person ("This affects me by...")
- R – Requests: Expressing a specific, realistic request or wish ("I would like you to...")
What are PET and F.A.I.R. techniques used for?
Both methods are used for:
- Improving interpersonal communication
- Resolving conflicts and misunderstandings
- Building healthy boundaries in relationships
- Teaching emotional literacy to children and adults
- Helping individuals dealing with anger, anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem
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Advantages over other psychotherapy techniques
PET and F.A.I.R. are characterized by practicality and direct applicability in everyday life situations. Unlike traditional psychoanalytic techniques that focus on introspective work over a longer period, these methods offer specific skills that clients can quickly learn and apply immediately.
Key advantages:
- Focus on problem-solving, not on assigning blame
- Develop emotional intelligence and empathy
- Encourage autonomy and responsibility
- Help overcome passive-aggressive behavior patterns
- Applicable outside the psychotherapy context – in family, school, or work
Conclusion
Techniques like PET and F.A.I.R. represent valuable tools in modern psychotherapy and everyday life. Their application enables healthier communication, deeper understanding among people, and effective conflict resolution without resorting to control, manipulation, or withdrawal. In a time when relationships are under increasing pressure, these approaches become not only helpful but essential for preserving mental health and quality relationships.
