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What Is a “Silent Divorce” and What Are the Signs?

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Married couples who no longer have an emotional connection with each other but stay together for financial or other reasons may experience a so-called “silent divorce.”

When Carly got married, she and her husband didn’t argue much. When problems in their marriage began, they tried to solve them using workbooks for couples, reports N1.si.

“I just kept quiet because communication was really hard,” Carly described. “He was more silently dismissive and had a passive-aggressive approach, and I probably was the same.”

At one point, she asked him to move out of their home in Tampa, Florida. But he said no. He moved his things into the guest room and started sleeping there.

After a year of sleeping in separate bedrooms, they decided to divorce. Until then, they were still living under the same roof, raising their daughter together, and outwardly behaving like a couple.

“Over a year, he became a stranger to me, someone I was still married to and living with, and then we got divorced,” Carly said. Although the legal process followed later, in reality, they were experiencing a so-called silent divorce, writes CNN.

What Is a Silent Divorce?

Couples in this situation no longer feel connected to each other but still stay together due to financial or other reasons, explained mental health counselor Stephanie Moir for CNN.

“Silent divorce means they are not legally separated, but they are already emotionally, mentally, and somewhat physically distant from each other,” Moir described. “It’s something each person experiences internally—it’s not recorded on paper and often not shared with anyone else. So it can be very lonely,” she added.

We often hear that marriage is something you have to work on. “If you don’t work on your marriage, it can lead to emotional detachment, where you and your partner are simply no longer on the same wavelength,” she advised.

Signs that partners are in a silent divorce include no longer sharing common goals, taking separate vacations, or avoiding joint events.

Another clear sign is a prolonged lack of physical intimacy—either the partners no longer have sexual relations, or the touching and affection that used to be normal are now gone, the counselor adds.

Lisa Lavelle, a licensed social worker, psychotherapist, and couples therapist, said she often encounters couples in a silent divorce. “Outwardly, they may appear fine—they are great parents and manage daily responsibilities well, but the emotional connection is missing,” she said.

“One of the first warning signs I see in couples on the brink of or already in a silent divorce is the feeling that they’re more like roommates than romantic partners. The roles of mother and father take center stage—not husband and wife or partners,” Lavelle explained.

While all couples occasionally feel emotionally distant, the problem becomes serious when they don’t talk about it and can’t reconnect.

The lack of physical intimacy is also a clear sign of trouble, Lavelle says. But she warns that a silent divorce should not be confused with so-called “sleep divorce”—when couples sleep separately due to snoring or other health or comfort reasons.

“If you’re dealing with issues like snoring or sleep apnea, sleeping in separate rooms can actually help preserve your relationship,” she advised.

Arguments Have Meaning

A silent divorce can also be a relief in some ways, Lavelle says, because couples who previously fought often no longer argue. But arguments serve a purpose in relationships, noted mental health counselor Justin Ho.

“Although it sounds dysfunctional, arguments often mean that we disagree right now, that we don’t see things the same way—but at the same time, we’re trying to explain our viewpoint to our partner,” he said. For some couples, fighting can mean they still care about the relationship.

However, couples in a silent divorce may stop arguing because they no longer care, Lavelle added. “These are couples who only talk about logistics, like what’s for dinner. But they no longer talk about anything truly important or uncomfortable,” she described.

Couples in a silent divorce experience emotional alienation that can lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and resentment, said Ho. For couples with children who witness the situation, the resulting harm must also be considered. A silent divorce can lead to unmet needs not only for adults but for children as well, Ho warned.

“Children may feel like they have to pick sides or feel neglected because they don’t have that unified parental image to rely on,” he explained.

Couples should also consider the financial implications of insisting on a silent divorce instead of making it official, counselors say. As long as a couple is married, they are financially responsible for each other.

If you realize you may be in a silent divorce, Ho advises sitting down and opening a conversation with your partner. Such a conversation may be uncomfortable, but it’s also an opportunity to determine whether you still want to save the relationship. Even silence has consequences.

“Resentment over parenting, finances, in-laws—when these issues are swept under the rug and not talked about, at least one side begins to feel resentment toward the other and loses the will to try,” Lavelle explained.

The longer grievances remain unresolved, the harder they are to fix, Lavelle added. Therefore, getting help from a therapist can be very beneficial.

“People often assume therapy is about fixing the relationship—and that can certainly be true. But the primary goal of therapy is to help couples talk about the unspoken or uncomfortable issues so they can make more informed decisions about their relationship,” she added.

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When Closeness Hurts: What Is Contrast Loneliness and Why It Appears After Socializing

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Loneliness has been the subject of many studies, articles, and personal testimonies for some time now – it is no longer taboo, but a reality of modern life.

The advice is well known: go out, join a hiking club, schedule dinner with friends, chat with the bartender.

But what happens when these very social interactions become a source of loneliness?

If you’ve ever come home after socializing and felt sudden sadness or emptiness, you’ve probably experienced what’s known as contrast loneliness.

Los Angeles-based therapist Lindsey Re Ekerman says this phenomenon is also called post-social loneliness – and it’s not uncommon.

Helen DJ, a licensed psychotherapist and youth program director at Newport Healthcare, explains that it’s a misconception to believe we can’t feel lonely when surrounded by people.

Loneliness can arise during social interaction – but also afterward.

Understanding why this type of loneliness occurs can help you better understand which connections truly nourish you – and how to feel it less often, writes the Huffington Post.

You’re Not “Weird” for Feeling This Way

“It’s completely normal to feel this way from time to time. It’s unrealistic to expect every conversation with a friend to be amazing and fulfilling,” says Kassley Killam, a Harvard scientist and author of the book The Art and Science of Connection.

Introverts, she adds, are more prone to this phenomenon – they enjoy quiet time more and are more easily drained when in company, especially if they don’t feel a deep connection with the people they were with.

Clinical psychologist Paul Losoff notes that individuals struggling with anxiety or depression can feel lonely even in company, because intrusive thoughts prevent them from being present in the moment.

Imagine being at dinner with friends but internally battling thoughts like: “I’m not interesting enough,” or “Everyone is more successful than I am.” Then, at home, you replay everything you said, questioning each word. It’s no wonder you feel even lonelier.

If you couldn’t be yourself, adds Losoff – if you felt misunderstood, unseen, unappreciated – loneliness after socializing is almost inevitable.

When Reality Falls Short of Expectations

Psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad emphasizes that a mismatch between expected and actual connection is one of the most common causes of contrast loneliness. Maybe you hoped for a deeper conversation or simply more fun – disappointment is a natural result.

Shallow interactions can also contribute to the feeling of emptiness. “The need for emotional connection is completely legitimate. Light, everyday chats are normal, but they’re not enough for everyone,” adds DJ.

Sometimes the sadness is simply because you had a good time – and now you miss it. This is called post-event blues. If you know you won’t see that person or group again soon, nostalgia and loneliness can come hand in hand.

How to Cope with Contrast Loneliness

The first step is – be gentle with yourself. Ekerman advises practicing self-compassion and reminding yourself: it’s not your fault. The social experience simply didn’t meet your expectations.

Imagine a “redo” – would you rather meet one-on-one next time? Do you prefer a different setting or conversation topic? These reflections can be valuable when planning your next get-together.

Killam recommends recalling the interactions that made you feel good: who were you with, what were you doing, how did you feel? Recognize patterns – and choose situations that genuinely suit you.

Of course, this doesn’t mean avoiding all situations that aren’t “perfect.” “Negative experiences can result from many factors: yourself, others, the context itself, or even your expectations,” reminds Holt-Lunstad.

Instead of writing everything off as bad, try reframing the experience: what was nice? What are you grateful for? Psychologists emphasize that gratitude really changes your outlook – and it works.

If you had a good time but parting left you sad – prolong the connection. Share photos, send a message to the person you bonded with, plan another meeting. These small gestures help maintain the feeling of connection.

And finally – if the feeling of loneliness is deep and persistent, therapy can help. Professional support can help you understand the roots of your loneliness and find ways to ease it – in a way that truly suits you.

Therapist Warns About Common Parenting Mistake – The Damage Is Long-Term

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Many parents often unconsciously direct their child toward their own desires and needs, which can have long-term consequences on the child's emotional development.

Parents sometimes unknowingly pressure their children into activities they are not interested in, such as soccer, to fit into social norms or due to pressure from other parents, according to the New York Post.

They may also react angrily to poor grades because they are concerned about what others, such as teachers, will think of their child.

Although this is not a specific parenting style, such behavior often arises when a parent feels the need to control or preserve their own image. This approach can negatively affect the child’s emotional health, as the parent is more focused on their own feelings than on the child’s actual needs.

Parental Ego Affects Children

“Ego parenting is a parenting approach where the parent makes decisions based on their own need to feel good, be right, have control, or receive validation.

In this approach, the focus is not on supporting the child’s development, but on preserving the parent’s image or emotional state,” says mental health therapist Cheryl Grosskopf.

Examples of “ego parenting” include situations where a parent refuses to back down from an argument, forces the child into activities they are not interested in, or avoids making excuses to maintain an authoritative stance.

Dr. Carolina Fenkel, an expert in adolescent mental health, warns that although “ego parenting” is not always a conscious decision, its impact can be long-lasting. Parents may unintentionally teach their children that their love is conditional.

“Children often adopt the belief that love is conditional, that they are worthy only when they behave, feel, or achieve something in a certain way,” explains Dr. Fenkel.

This approach can lead to serious issues such as anxiety, perfectionism, low self-esteem, and fear of failure.

Dr. Fenkel recommends that when you notice you are reacting from the ego, you pause and ask yourself: “Is this based on my child’s needs or my own feelings?”

Self-awareness is a crucial step toward changing your parenting approach. Instead of focusing on winning every disagreement, parents should listen to their children, validate their feelings, and try to understand their perspective on the situation.

It is also important to learn how to apologize. Acknowledging your own mistakes will not weaken your authority as a parent, but will demonstrate responsibility and a willingness to grow.

Dr. Fenkel emphasizes that a parent who admits their mistake to their child allows the child to accept imperfection.

Letting go of ego and embracing humility helps create a safer and healthier emotional environment, which is the foundation for building a true connection with your child, rather than control.

Now We Know What We Inherit from Mom and What from Dad

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The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and we can inherit many physical traits from our parents — as well as diseases. From each parent, we "pick up" two copies of every gene, and mutations in certain genes are the main trigger for hereditary diseases.

First on the list is high cholesterol, for which we can entirely “blame” the family, says American geneticist Shivani Nazareth.

“One in 500 people has a genetic mutation that causes familial hypercholesterolemia — an inherited heart disease that can lead to premature heart attacks or strokes,” Nazareth reveals, adding that those suffering from familial hypercholesterolemia cannot regulate their cholesterol, which then accumulates in the veins – reports the portal Biti roditelj.

Not even strict diets or physical activity can help, because in this case, genes have already done their part, says Nazareth.

And while both parents can be responsible for high cholesterol, breast cancer can be inherited from the father.

Namely, every person is born with the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes, which are harmless until they mutate. However, women who inherit a mutation in one or both BRCA genes from their father have a higher risk of developing breast cancer.

Dr. Nazareth explains that these genes are not dangerous for men’s health since breast cancer is rare among men, but the same cannot be said for women.

If you’re blaming the men in your family for hair loss — you’re looking in the wrong direction. The gene that plays a key role in baldness is located on the X chromosome, which men always inherit from their mothers, while women inherit the same gene from both parents.

Type 2 diabetes is most commonly linked to an unhealthy lifestyle, but research shows that as many as five percent of young people show signs of this disease despite not being overweight and exercising regularly.

Here too, the issue is a genetic mutation — a form of diabetes scientists have called MODY.

Early detection of patients with the MODY subtype of diabetes is very important, as they require different treatment that can control the disease for years without complications, says Dr. Nazareth.

But lifelong complications arise with lactose intolerance.

Congenital lactose intolerance is a rare condition caused by a mutation in the gene that produces the enzyme lactase. It manifests as severe watery diarrhea occurring soon after the first milk feeding (breastfeeding).

Nutrient loss is significant, meaning the newborn does not gain weight, and dehydration, hypoglycemia, and acidosis can develop.

Once a lactose-free diet is introduced, diarrhea stops, the child gains weight, and growth and development normalize.

This condition is lifelong and requires a permanent lactose-free diet.

Congenital lactose intolerance is rare, but 65 percent of adults have experienced digestive issues after consuming dairy, says Nazareth, adding that lactose sensitivity decreases with age in most people.

The family tree plays a major role in hereditary disease risk, warns Nazareth. You can record all the diseases affecting your immediate and extended family to identify genetic predispositions for certain conditions.

However, some diseases can remain “hidden” for several generations, making them undetectable through this method, writes 24sata.

Chronic Headaches Are Also Hereditary

The tendency for long-lasting and severe headaches accompanied by nausea is hereditary in 70 to 80 percent of cases, claims Dr. Kate Henry from New York University. Scientists have discovered that a gene called TRESK causes migraines, and it is often inherited from parents.

We Inherit Heart Disease from Our Mothers

If your mother had heart problems, you are 20 percent more likely to have them too, revealed four separate scientific studies. The way a mother’s heart attack affects our risk is not fully understood, but it is clear, experts say.

Mental Illnesses Can Also Be Inherited

There is about a 10 percent chance of inheriting a predisposition for depression, according to the U.S. National Institute of Mental Health. Experts explain that depression is just one of several mental disorders that can be inherited, including bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

Four Ways Parents Can Help Their Child Cope with Failure

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It's not easy for parents to watch their child struggle with failure.

Whether it's a bad grade, missed goal, or disagreements with peers, every parent's natural instinct is to comfort their child, fix the situation, or completely avoid it.

But psychologists agree – failure is sometimes an unavoidable and necessary part of growing up, and the way a child learns to cope with it is key to developing resilience, self-confidence, and perseverance.

If we respond to our child's failure with disappointment or anger, the child may conclude that their love and acceptance depend on their success.

Instead, it’s important to show understanding and acknowledge their emotions:

“I see that you’re disappointed. I know you tried.”

Praise the Effort, Not the Result

Instead of praising the grade, praise the persistence:

“You practiced a lot, and it shows.”

Praising effort develops intrinsic motivation and reduces the fear of making mistakes.

Don't "Rescue" the Child Every Time

Sometimes, the hardest thing is to let the child feel the consequences.

If they forgot their homework, don’t take it to school for them. If they lost a game, talk about it later but don’t pull them out of every uncomfortable situation.

This teaches responsibility and provides experience.