Psychiatrist Outlines Five Strategies to Help Children Overcome Shame
Highly sensitive children often grow up ashamed of their nature, believing that something is wrong with them.
However, their sensitivity is actually a creative gift that should be nurtured, not suppressed.
Parents play a crucial role in helping their child feel accepted and valued just as they are, writes Psychology Today.
Shame is a deeply painful emotion, a feeling of humiliation and worthlessness that stems from the belief that we are flawed.
“Unfortunately, in a culture that often celebrates toughness, loudness, and extroversion, sensitive children are often misunderstood. They are frequently told to ‘stop being crybabies,’ and their emotional reactions are dismissed or even ridiculed. Instead of support, they feel ashamed for being ‘too emotional,’ even though their sensitivity is not a weakness but a gift,” says psychiatrist Judith Orloff.
When children feel ashamed, especially in front of others, it can leave a deep imprint on their psyche and follow them into adulthood, affecting their self-esteem, relationships, and sense of identity.
Understanding Highly Sensitive Children
Highly sensitive children are biologically wired to feel more deeply than others. Their nervous system is finely tuned and lacks the same filters that many children have to block out stimuli.
As a result, they are easily overwhelmed. They absorb everything—both joy and pain—with heightened intensity.
These are children who may cry when they see someone else suffering, who are easily unsettled by loud noises or chaotic environments, and who are deeply moved by beauty and kindness.
How to Help Children Heal from Shame?
Sensitive children are especially prone to internalized shame. They may be teased for crying, tend to play quietly, or react strongly to insults. This can make many of them feel like they don’t fit in.
Most parents want to help their sensitive children thrive, but they often don’t know how to counter the negative messages their children encounter in their environment.
Psychiatrist’s Advice to Parents
To support and empower your sensitive children, the author offers several key strategies.
First, validate their emotions. Instead of saying, “Don’t cry,” try: “I see you’re feeling overwhelmed—it’s okay to feel that way. Let me help you calm down.”
Second, celebrate their uniqueness. Talk about their ability to feel other people’s emotions, their creativity, and their deep thinking as superpowers.
It is also important to protect their boundaries. Never allow anyone—whether a teacher, family member, or peer—to shame your child for their sensitivity.
If you see bullying happening, intervene. Immediately involve the school and insist on clear rules that protect your child.
Finally, be a role model of healthy sensitivity. When parents embrace their own feelings and show empathy, children learn that it is safe and powerful to feel things more strongly and deeply.
Be Their Safe Haven
Sensitive parents have a unique opportunity to raise sensitive children with plenty of confidence. When parents embrace their own tenderness and vulnerability, they become strong role models.
Children learn by watching us. When we show them that sensitivity and strength can coexist, they will start believing it themselves.
These children are the future artists, healers, and visionaries of the world. By empowering them to overcome shame and accept who they are, we help them grow into emotionally balanced, courageous, and compassionate adults.
