Six Signs Your Sex Life Might Not Be That Great
Most couples know if their sex life is fantastic or completely lacking, but it can be harder to recognize when it’s merely satisfactory but not very exciting.
Sex life is one of the key parts of a healthy relationship. If you suspect that something is "missing," find out why it’s important to address those issues.
The Same Person Always Initiates Sex
A common sign that something isn’t right with a couple’s sex life is when one person always initiates intimacy and feels undesired.
"Most people want their partners to initiate sex equally – it makes them feel desired and reduces performance pressure," says Dr. Jess O’Reilly. If one partner always takes the lead, try communicating this issue and clearly express your wish for more balance.
You Haven’t Expressed Your Desires
No one can read minds, and we are all different. It’s unrealistic to expect your partner to know what you want based only on past experiences, says Jess.
If you haven’t talked about your desires, chances are they’re not being fulfilled. If the idea of criticizing your partner’s skills scares you, remember that how you communicate it is key. Once you clearly express your wishes, you’ll notice a big difference in intimacy.
You Always Do the Same Things
Once couples find what works, they often stick to it religiously. But this can lead to a loss of passion and reduced openness to experimentation. "Repetition can decrease pleasure. Studies show dopamine levels can double when things are unpredictable," adds Jess.
Be open to new positions, sex toys, and experimenting under the covers – this way, you’ll also discover what truly suits you.
You Don’t Talk After Sex
Sex should bring partners closer. If you feel distant after making love and the room is silent, it could mean you’re not open enough with each other, explains sex therapist Marisa Nelson.
Try initiating a conversation. If you feel blocked, say so honestly and don’t feel like you have to hide your feelings.
You Want Different Things
A sign that you’re not currently sexually compatible may be a difference in what each of you expects from sex. For instance, one person seeks passion and stress relief, while the other sees sex as emotional bonding.
"When that happens, one person may start to feel bad and unsatisfied because they haven’t felt what they need from sex in a long time," says Nelson.
One Person Is Always ‘To Blame’
For a healthy sex life, both partners must feel that responsibility is shared. If you can’t reach orgasm, feel pain, or aren’t satisfied – it’s a mutual problem.
A symptom that something is wrong is when one person takes all the blame, or the partner constantly shifts the blame onto them. It’s important to recognize this and ask what you can work on together.
Dialogue is a key part of sexual experience.
