Therapist Warns About Common Parenting Mistake – The Damage Is Long-Term
Many parents often unconsciously direct their child toward their own desires and needs, which can have long-term consequences on the child's emotional development.
Parents sometimes unknowingly pressure their children into activities they are not interested in, such as soccer, to fit into social norms or due to pressure from other parents, according to the New York Post.
They may also react angrily to poor grades because they are concerned about what others, such as teachers, will think of their child.
Although this is not a specific parenting style, such behavior often arises when a parent feels the need to control or preserve their own image. This approach can negatively affect the child’s emotional health, as the parent is more focused on their own feelings than on the child’s actual needs.
Parental Ego Affects Children
“Ego parenting is a parenting approach where the parent makes decisions based on their own need to feel good, be right, have control, or receive validation.
In this approach, the focus is not on supporting the child’s development, but on preserving the parent’s image or emotional state,” says mental health therapist Cheryl Grosskopf.
Examples of “ego parenting” include situations where a parent refuses to back down from an argument, forces the child into activities they are not interested in, or avoids making excuses to maintain an authoritative stance.
Dr. Carolina Fenkel, an expert in adolescent mental health, warns that although “ego parenting” is not always a conscious decision, its impact can be long-lasting. Parents may unintentionally teach their children that their love is conditional.
“Children often adopt the belief that love is conditional, that they are worthy only when they behave, feel, or achieve something in a certain way,” explains Dr. Fenkel.
This approach can lead to serious issues such as anxiety, perfectionism, low self-esteem, and fear of failure.
Dr. Fenkel recommends that when you notice you are reacting from the ego, you pause and ask yourself: “Is this based on my child’s needs or my own feelings?”
Self-awareness is a crucial step toward changing your parenting approach. Instead of focusing on winning every disagreement, parents should listen to their children, validate their feelings, and try to understand their perspective on the situation.
It is also important to learn how to apologize. Acknowledging your own mistakes will not weaken your authority as a parent, but will demonstrate responsibility and a willingness to grow.
Dr. Fenkel emphasizes that a parent who admits their mistake to their child allows the child to accept imperfection.
Letting go of ego and embracing humility helps create a safer and healthier emotional environment, which is the foundation for building a true connection with your child, rather than control.
